You Gotta Use What You Got

Thanks to their Nanny State efforts to disarm the Crown’s subjects, it’s no secret that Great Britain now has the highest rate of violent personal crimes in the industrialized nations. “Yobs” — their term for “scumbags” — prey on their victims without fear of armed resistance, often using such low-tech weaponry as, well, sticks and stones. It usually works, but not always.
A law-abiding foursome was teeing off from the fourth hole of Sundridge Park in Kent when a mob o’ yobs confronted them, waving wooden planks and demanding they surrender their golf gear. The “victims,” we suspect, quickly considered the value of their expensive clubs and bags, and then remembered those objects in their hands are called … clubs.

The odds were about four to one, but the golfers commenced whackin’ like lumberjacks and didn’t stop until most of the gang took off, leaving their wounded layin’ on the green. Of course, responding constables arrested the golfers for “suspicion of causing actual bodily harm.”

Even if they don’t get justice in the courts, they definitely got some “street justice” on the links!

Soon-To-Be Guest Of The Loony Bin

Wear my coat, wear my shoes, but dude, don’t wear my skivvies!

David Strickland of Golden, Colo., got a big enough shock when he arrived home to find a strange car in his driveway and the first floor of his place thoroughly burgled — but he was in for a bigger one. Locked and loaded with pistol in hand, he stalked through his rummaged rooms until he heard a noise coming from upstairs. Strickland loudly demanded to know who was there, and he got an answer, all right. The owner of the voice, a 24-year-old later identified as Timothy P. Gonzales, was standing calmly at the top of the stairs, wearing only boxer shorts.

Strickland didn’t recognize his uninvited houseguest, but he did recognize his own underwear! Strickland told Gonzales to leave, to which Gonzales replied it was his house, and Strickland ought to leave and take that obvious toy gun with him. When Strickland failed to comply, he said, Gonzales moved aggressively toward him as though to throw him out! That’s when Strickland fired a warning shot and got Gonzales’ attention.

After police arrived and took custody, Strickland found his guest had taken a shower, washed a load of his dirty laundry and stocked the fridge with some of his own goodies. Officers declined to comment on Gonzales’ mental state.
Kinda makes you wanta install one of those remote-surveillance Web cams in your house, doesn’t it?