Is It Just Me, Or Is It Kinda Chilly In Here?

The family of an unidentified 80-year-old man in South Africa called the morgue to come and pick up grandpa after he apparently succumbed to age, chronic asthma and heart failure. The attendant checked for pulse and heartbeat, both zero, then loaded the cadaver into the van. At the Johannesburg morgue, other onlookers concurred, and the deceased was tagged, slabbed and pushed into the Big Fridge.

He had been chillin’ out for about 20 hours when morgue attendants heard a high, thin ghostly voice crying out, “Where am I? Help!”

Staff members, who knew there were no living humans in the area that voice was coming from, drew the obvious conclusion: It was evil spirits, or, at the very least, a confused soul who didn’t understand he had lost corporeal comms. They refused to go look.

The boss man, Ayanda Maqolo, admitted he was scared, but couldn’t show fear in front of his employees.
“So … I called the police,” he said.

Yeah! That’s showin’ some courage, Ayanda! The police arrived posthaste, and with Ayanda boldly pickin’ up “rear guard” duties, they began checking the Big Fridge. They soon pulled their pale, shivering “ghost” off the ice. He blinked and asked, “How did I get here?”

He must be one tough old bird. Within hours he was declared stable, cleared and released by a local hospital.

Lessons From England

If bureaucratic stupidity is inherited, maybe we caught it from our English cousins, huh? Consider these two bright notes from Merry Olde England:

In Nottinghamshire, the County Council refused for the third time to approve a disabled-parking permit for former British Army corporal Johno Lee. Lee lost his right leg to an IED explosion in Iraq. A council staff member told him afterward, “You’re young!” and that his condition “might get better.” Like, he could grow a new leg?

Meantime, in Romford, England, little kids and toddlers can forget about getting any relief from the muggy heat by splashing in kiddie-sized vinyl wading pools placed in their yards. Kiddie pools are now prohibited — not because of a possible hazard to the children, but because “firefighters could possibly trip over them if responding to emergencies.”

Hmmm … maybe the munchkins could escort the firefighters safely around those deadly pools?

Y’all Play Nice Together Now, Y’hear?

Since Congress can’t seem to figure out how to protect our borders or what to do with illegal aliens, Texas state legislator Lois Kolkhorst wants to provide ’em with a little incentive to get crackin’. She has introduced a bill that would allow law enforcement to simply drop off illegals at the offices of any U.S. senator or representative.

The bill applies specifically to illegal immigrants charged with crimes who are about to be released back onto the streets on bail, and those being discharged — again, right back on the streets — after serving sentences in jails or state prison. So, we ain’t talkin’ about poor, innocent work-seekers here.

The bill doesn’t say what the government officials are supposed to do with their new “guests.” We can think of some options, but they ain’t pretty.

Taking One For The Team

“I had nothing to lose.”

That’s what Helen Dunsford, 66, told Broward County Sheriff’s deputies when they asked why she risked getting shot to tackle and take down a woman attempting to rob a bank. Helen was standing in line waiting for her turn with the teller at an Oakland Park Bank of America branch when another woman reached in her purse, shouted that she had a gun, and ordered all present to hit the deck and freeze. Customers and staff immediately began to comply — but not Helen.

The suspect didn’t quite get that line out of her mouth before Helen hit her like a Tampa Bay tackle, taking her to the floor hard, separating her from her purse, and then sitting on her until deputies arrived. They also snagged two male accomplices, who had been outside in the parking lot.

Customers wondered why she had risked her life to possibly save theirs.

“I have cancer, stage 4,” she said, “And I figured if I’m gonna die, it’s God’s will when I die. She’s not gonna shoot me,” Helen said.

Deputies were told Helen’s attack was ferocious, and asked what fueled that ferocity.

“She got on my last nerve,” she said.